I'm feeling great!! Better than I have in over a year. (Impossible to believe I've been messing around with this for that long already.) I am mainly pain-free and I have energy. (No more naps!...though I miss that snuggle time with Aiden.) I'm not taking any medications and I'm working out six days a week. I'm running the kids all around and living life!
For the most part, I'm dwelling in a place of gratefulness for all of the above, because those things are a BIG deal. All answers to prayer.
But then I have whiny moments too and I just. want. to. be done. I don't want to post yet another week of cancer updates. I don't ever want to see another doctor again.
And then God will put someone in my path who is dealing with cancer and even though it was never my plan to be able to "talk shop" with a cancer patient, I find purpose there in the sharing of their pain. I saw beauty in his plan even this week, as I was leaving Shaun's softball game. I walked by a woman who had no hair so I stopped to talk to her and in 3.3 seconds we were having a more meaningful, in-depth conversation than I've ever had with some friends I've known for years. We were complete strangers and did zero small talk...I don't even know her name but I know her heart. There is such grace in that!
This week I accompanied a friend to her colonoscopy screening at the same hospital where I did mine at the end of last summer. It was quite strange to be back in that waiting room where I sat in pain last September, completely clueless that I had cancer and hadn't even considered .
The nurse who was there when I woke up from the anesthesia was the same nurse prepping my friend. She was there when the doctor delivered the news to Shaun and I that she'd found "a mass". The nurse told me there were many of them crying behind the curtains that day. It was so surprising that in this assembly-line colonoscopy place, where dozen of patients come through everyday, there would be those who would note my state with compassion and shed tears for a complete stranger.
But really, that's been the theme of all these months since....so many others carrying the burden for me so it wouldn't be so heavy. I've had to do the work of it, but I haven't shouldered much of the burden of it. That is equal parts humbling and mind-blowing. Thank you for doing this with us!
This guy? I wear this shirt so I can feel like Superwoman. He wears the shirt because he IS Superman. Love him!
I got down a little on Friday because I spoke at length with the surgeon's office. The nurse re-phrased what we'd talked about the week prior in the office and it was hard to rehash all of the surgery talk.
As is God's way, cards of love and encouragement arrived for me the very next day. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that He's the God who keeps us in orbit yet cares enough about me personally to prompt people to think of me and pray for me. Amazing love!
But my life means nothing to me. I only want to finish the race. I want to complete the work the Lord Jesus has given me. He wants me to give witness to others about the good news of God’s grace.